cigarettes and vodka
by suicidebycyanide
Summary: "You don't get it, none of you get it. My entire life has been based on a lie and I don't know who I am anymore. I'm not just Nadine Fletcher, Christine and Kenny's daughter. I'm Nadine. I'm Robert and Christine's daughter. Just don't stand there and tell me nothing's changed because everything has." - —Christine/Robert/OC. [two/three]
1. CHAPTER I

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**cigarettes &amp; vodka**  
_i've lost my fucking memory_

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Nadine sat on the edge of the roof as Robert stood over her, both of them smoking their cigarettes. Neither of them understood why they escaped to the roof, it was probably because it was the most unsafe place in the hospital. Not to mention nobody would be able to find them, unless it was Christine. Christine would always know where they went for a cigarette break.

"What's your opinion on Jack?"

The question broke through Nadine's thoughts and she replied, "Jack Turner?" Robert nodded and she answered back with a soft smile, "I think he's a tosser personally, why what are your thoughts on him?"

There was a pause before she continued, "oh right I get it, you think he's a tosser too don't you?"

Robert shrugged his shoulders, "it doesn't matter what I think of him. Does he treat you okay?"

Nadine took a drag of her cigarette and shrugged her shoulders, mirroring Robert's actions, "I dunno I don't exactly spend time with him. I keep out of his way, I feel just because he's getting his leg over my mother I don't actually have to know him do I? It's not like they're going to marry or anything is it?"

"Careful they might," Robert smiled and Nadine shot him a glare, "don't you dare joke Robert about something as serious as that! I don't want to become Jack Turner's stepdaughter thank you. Having you and Christine as my parents is terrible enough thanks."

"You're cheeky," he smiled at his daughter. It was strange how things changed in a year. In twelve months everything in their lives had changed; Nadine and Robert's relationship and Robert's relationship with Christine. Nadine hated the fact everything had changed, she wanted things to go back to the where they were.

"Anyway," she began and sucked on her cigarette, "it's not like they're in love or anything. Mum's only shagging Jack because she can't shag you," she watched as Robert shook his head in disagreement and protested that there weren't any feelings between him and Christine.

"Your mother and I have no feelings for each other whatsoever."

"Utter bollocks," she responded and took another drag of her cigarette, "you're telling me that one night stand sixteen years ago, that resulted in me was a heat of the moment thing? Get real Robert, my mother is madly in love with you and you just see her as a cheap shag don't you?"

"Nadine I wouldn't quite put it like that," Robert began but Nadine had already started to walk away. He grabbed her arm and she looked down before looking back up at him, "where has all this bitterness come from?"

Standing up from the edge of the roof, she went to walk away until she felt Robert's hand on her arm. Looking down at his hand, she looked back up her eyes falling upon him, "where has all this bitterness come from?"

"What bitterness?" She pulled her arm away from his grip, "I get ya, you don't like my attitude do you? Well tough! I'm sick to death of men like you and Jack Turner only ever seeing my mother as a notch on your bedpost. She's completely oblivious to it and you're never the one to pick up the pieces are you?"

"Is that how you feel?"

"Don't start acting like you care Robert, you couldn't give a shit really."

Nadine left the roof hearing Robert call her name but she didn't go back. What was the point, she'd only have another argument and one was enough for today. Reaching the ladies toilets, she walked in and slid down the wall, tears escaping from her eyes and rolling down her cheeks.

She knew it was pointless telling her father how she felt because he'd tell Christine and then she'd accuse Nadine of been jealous (which really wasn't the case) Their relationship had never been the same since the revelation that Robert wasn't just her godfather, he was her father too.

Feeling a wave of anger wash over her, Nadine stood up and lashed out at the first thing she could see, the mirror. Hearing the glass shatter to pieces, she looked down at her fist and saw the blood and broken glass.

Like a wave a calmer sensation washed over her and she sat on the floor, beginning to pick out the pieces of glass from her hand.

Judy walked into the toilets and stopped at the door. Her eyes fell upon Nadine and she called out her name, "Nadine?"

Nadine looked up from the floor when she realised she wasn't alone in the toilets anymore. She looked back down at her hand as Judy stepped towards her and the older woman knelt down in front of her and asked, "what happened?"

"I slipped and fell," she started to laugh, "no I just didn't like the mirror anymore."

The older woman gently touched her hand but Nadine snatched it away. She didn't want anyone to look at it, she didn't want sympathy or pity for what she'd done and shee definitely didn't want to receive a lecture of her parents either.

"That needs looking at," Judy stated and Nadine sighed, "it's fine! Why don't you just back off and leave me alone!"

Judy sighed at the teenager. She'd noticed the change in Nadine, it was obvious she'd gone from a sweet and innocent child to one who was rebellious. Judy knew a lot had changed for Nadine in twelve months but the way she was going about it was completely the wrong way.

"You've changed Nadine."

Nadine got up off the floor and began to laugh, "we've all changed to some extent Judy. We all grow up realising how much of a bitch the world is!"

As she walked out of the toilets she slammed the door closed leaving Judy to wonder if Nadine would ever figure out how to feel. Would she ever deal with her emotions in a healthy option then smashing mirrors and destroying the already fragile relationship between her and her mother.

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	2. CHAPTER II

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**CHAPTER TWO**  
_four o'clock in the morning_

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She doesn't know what possess her to go to the park late afternoon with a bottle of vodka but that's where she ends up. She's on the swings, swinging backwards and forwards, repeating the action unscrewing the lid of the bottle. She necks the vodka the liquid burning her throat and causing tears to appear in her eyes.

Nadine's aware of everyone watching her, the ones with nothing else better to do; the mums working late, the other chavs on the park, the children asking their parents why that girl is upset. This is Manchester everyone knows everyone's shit Nadine reminds herself.

She's joined by two men or rather boys because that's what they are. Young boys trying to act like the gangster's they've seen in the adult films. They're pathetic trying to get her to buy some weed telling her it'll make her problems go away, they can't be any older than thirteen, on their mountain bikes ready to do a runner when they catch the police.

She tells them kindly to piss off and leave her and her bottle of vodka alone. She needs alone time and she doesn't appreciate the scruffs from the local estate dragging her into whatever deals they want to do today. The kids do one as soon as they see the local bobby patrolling the street and Nadine wonders why people can't leave her alone. She isn't a bad kid, she's misunderstood and all she wants to do is drink herself into a coma.

"Do you realise it's a criminal offence to drink in a public place?"

Nadine smirked, unscrewed the top of the vodka and necked at least a quarter of the vodka; "does this face look arsed to you officer?"

"What's your name?"

"My mother taught me never to talk to strangers."

The police officer shook his head. He'd seen it all before, teenagers who thought they were above the law. It was a daily occurrence for him, he just hoped one day a teenager would make his life a little easier, "do you mind leaving the park please Miss."

"Yeah I do because I haven't done anything wrong," she went to drink the vodka when the officer asked if he could have the bottle.

She looked down at the bottle, made eye contact with the policeman and replied; "what this one? Sure!" She threw the direction of the officer and the bottle landed at his feet and smashed to pieces, splashing vodka over his shoes.

"I can have you arrested for assault Miss."

"Oh like I give a fuck," she jumped off the swing and staggered towards the officer, "can I go now or am I under arrest?"

"No you can go but I suggest Miss that you stay out of trouble."

"Whatever you wanker," Nadine muttered and made her journey back home. It was easier said than done, the vodka had gone to her head on an empty stomach and everything was spinning. After falling into five different bushes, mostly nettle bushes, she realised the only place she could go was home, to her mother. Walking up the stairs at the front of the house, she sat down and closed her eyes. She hated the fact everything was spinning, she wanted everything to stop moving.

Nadine doesn't know how long she was sat alone, on the doorstep but a familiar car pulled up and Christine got out. Taking one look at her daughter she found herself shaking her head, it was clear from the way Nadine was swaying she was drunk.

"Nadine?"

"Oh hey," Nadine stood up and wobbled over banging her head against the door. Placing her hand on her head she answered, "Oops how silly of me!"

Christine opened the door and very carefully helped Nadine into the house whilst asking where she'd been. Nadine chose to ignore her mother, it was easier that way they couldn't argue. Nadine settled down on the floor crossed legged, "I went places, the park."

Christine closed the door behind them and it was only then that she noticed the cut on Nadine's hand, "what an earth happened to your hand? Is that what you did at the hospital when Judy saw you? She told me you smashed a mirror."

Nadine shook her head, "who cares its a stupid mirror, it'll get fixed."

"I care," Christine began but Nadine just laughed and stood up, "you only care when its convenient for you. Ninety-nine percent of the time you couldn't really give a shit about me, it's always about your precious little job in A&amp;E!"

Nadine stumbled into the kitchen just as Christine asked, "is that how you feel?"

"You're beginning to sound just like Robert. Oh is that how you feel, neither of you could give a fuck could you? I was the mistake you both made and got lumped with, none of you care about how I feel do you?"

"Of course I do Nadine!"

"No you don't!" She screamed and threw the glass in Christine's direction, "you don't care and that's okay with me!"

Christine ducked as the glass flew past her head and shattered on impact against the wall. Never had she seen her daughter lose her temper before nor almost turn violent. Taking a deep breath Christine explained what she was going to do.

"I'm going out, I'll be back when you've calmed down."

"Oh look walking away yet again," picking up another glass she let it drop to the floor and shatter. Christine had enough of Nadine's behaviour, she was behaving like a child who couldn't get her own way.

"Why are you been selfish?"

Nadine let her mother's question hang before she responded, "oh I'm the selfish one am I? I didn't lie to my only child for fifteen years, I wasn't the one who decided she was going to fuck her boss to get to the top of her career!"

The sound of slapped flesh stunned both Christine and Nadine. Nadine didn't realise her mother was ever going to lash out and Christine couldn't believe she'd actually done it, slapped her daughter into silence.

"I'm—"

"I'm going," Nadine began to walk away, "and before you ask I don't know when I'll be back. I hope it'll be never!"

The door slammed shut and Christine wondered where she went wrong, why didn't she just admit the truth at the beginning of her relationship with Kenny. Maybe if she had she wondered have such a messed up daughter.

Nadine sat at the bar knocking back Sambuca shots, legs crossed over, cigarette in one hand. The perks of looking older than you were sprung to mind as she twirled a finger along the glass, staring into space. The music wasn't to her taste but she wasn't bothered, it was free entry before midnight and she couldn't wait to get drunk and off her face with vodka and shots.

Nadine had three more shots at the bar before she attracted the attention of a young, handsome man. He sat in the seat beside her, "I'm Ben, can I buy you a drink?"

"I'm Nadine and sure, I'll have a glass of rosé please?"

After gesturing the barmaid over he ordered a glass of rosé and a beer for himself. Leaning closer to Nadine he whispered in her ear,

"so what's a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"Waiting for my knight in shining armour," she knocked back the remaining liquid of her vodka and lemonade and accepted the glass of wine from the handsome stranger. She twirled her finger along the rim as he replied,

"You don't believe in that do you?"

Nadine laughed but didn't say anything. Instead she took a sip of the wine and smiled at Ben. He seemed nice and she wanted to spend more time with him, perhaps through alcohol and sex she could block out the shit feelings she felt inside.

"So what are you doing here?"

She continued to twirl her finger around the rim of the glass, "planning on getting very, very messy. I deserve it after the day I've had today," she found Ben's hand over her own. He gently took her hand and upon noticing the large cut in her palm stroked it gently with his fingers, "what happened?"

"The mirror didn't look right so I rearranged it."

"You punched a mirror? You should get it checked out."

"You're beginning to remind me of my parents, the reason I'm sat in this very bar alone, waiting for my prince charming."

"I thought it was your knight in shining armour?"

"Same thing aren't they?" The rest of the evening passed in a blur of Sambuca shots, glasses of wine and flirty talk between the two strangers. It got later in the night as the club was filling up and Nadine stood up of the bar stool and wobbled, the alcohol clearly going to her head quicker than she anticipated.

Ben smiled and gently took her by the arm, "can I take you home?"

"There is no such thing as home."

"Then I guess it'll have to be mine then." He planted a kiss on her lips and Nadine closed her eyes, her stomach flipping nervously. She wasn't sure she actually wanted this but it was too late to back out now wasn't it? If she was anything like her mother it would be easy to shag a stranger right?

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	3. CHAPTER III

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**CHAPTER THREE**  
_i can't let you go, i need you_

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When she rolled over the morning after, the space in the bed beside her was occupied. Nadine sighed and slowly began to sit up in bed, the alcohol still in her system from last night and making the room spin slowly. Grabbing hold off the bedside table she stood up and began to look for her clothes that were thrown around the room in the heat of the moment.

Finding her clothes in one heap in the corner of the room, Nadine pulled on her underwear and then the dress she wore last night. Sorting out her hair and her makeup, she planted a kiss on Ben's cheek and froze as he turned around.

Leaving the room she quietly closed the door behind her not wanting to wake him up. She didn't need to stay he was only a one night stand, it wasn't like they were going to get married was it? She was just some cheap slag he picked up in the bar.

The walk home was horrible, the dreaded walk of shame as it was known. Nadine wasn't the only person to make it that morning but people were still looking, her short black dress barely covering her arse and her large chunky heels in her hands that she had difficulty walking in drunk let alone sober.

Half-way home she realised she'd forgotten her key and instead she had to make her way to the hospital. When she got there the first person she bumped into was Stuart who was amazed at how different and older Nadine looked.

"Does your father know you're dressed like that?"

Rolling her eyes she replied, "what do you think?"

There was a pause between them before Nadine took a step towards him and whispered, "though I could do anything for you for you not to tell him?"

She put her finger in her mouth, sucked it for a moment and removed it from her mouth before making her way to her father's office. Along the way she walked into Judy who look one look at her and sighed.

"Where have you been?"

"Guess what Judy its none of your business."

"Alcohol's only a short-term solution, it doesn't make you forget for long."

"Lecture over?" Nadine asked before she walked away. A few minutes later she was stood outside her father's office, knowing he was going to go mental once he saw what she was wearing. If Robert was vocal about anything it was the way his daughter dressed.

Pushing open the door Robert raised an eyebrow as his eyes roamed her body, "I hardly think that's an appropriate outfit Nadine."

"Keep the lecture and just give me the house key."

"Where've you been, your mother's been worried sick."

"Out with friends having a good time. Maybe you should try it sometime, find yourself a new fuck buddy."

Robert raised his eyebrows at the choice of Nadine's words but didn't say anything. He took a drag of his cigarette and wondered if Christine had bumped into her daughter yet. He could only presume she hadn't, Nadine didn't seem to look like she'd had a run in with Christine.

"Are you going to give me the house key or am I going to have to pester Cathy?"

Robert sighed and reached into his pocket, pulling out a key on a key ring. Handing it to Nadine he wondered why she was doing what she was doing, she used to be such a sweet child but know she was cocky and rebellious. Taking the key from Robert she reached over and grabbed one of his cigarettes too before leaving with a smile.

As she walked out of his office, rubbing her hands up and down her arms trying to supress the goose-bumps that had appeared she once again bumped into Judy. They both looked at each other for a couple of seconds, there was a time in Nadine's life she would've confided in Judy about anything.

"Have you seen your mum yet."

"What's it to you?" She asked before continuing, "and to answer your question no I haven't. I can only guess that she's unhappy that once again her private life has become hospital gossip? She only ever gives a shit about this place."

"You know that's not true."

"She's a bitch who lied to me for fifteen years, don't insult my intelligence Judy please."

They didn't speak another word before Nadine walked away heading for the exit. She almost made it when Christine caught her and held her arm, "where've you been? I've been worried sick about you!"

She tried to wiggle out of her mother's grip but couldn't, "Out!"

"With who?" Christine asked as she dragged her back inside the hospital and towards the staff room, "with friends."

"What friends?" They reached the staff room and Christine practically threw her through the door. Nadine didn't answer straight away, she folded her arms across her chest pissed off that she bumped into her mother. The lecture wasn't something she wanted.

"A friend!"

"Do I know this friend?"

"I don't know, did you shag half the population of Manchester as well as your boss?"

Hearing the words her daughter spoke Christine once again slapped Nadine across the face. Nadine brought her hand to her cheek and for a moment the pair of them just stared at each other.

"I'm—"

"Leave me alone!" Nadine screamed and Christine knew she had to leave Nadine to calm down. Closing the door behind her, she leant against it and sighed. Why couldn't their relationship go back to the way it was, the way it was before the lies were discovered.

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**jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	4. CHAPTER IV

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**CHAPTER FOUR**  
_and its peaceful in the deep_

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Robert had heard about the incident with Nadine from Christine and decided to go and talk to her. He was her father at the end of the day, a teen who was hell bent on destroying everything she came into contact with.

He had to get to the bottom of it, this was healthy for either of them constantly been at each other's throats. Opening the door to the staff room he caught her curled up on one of the chairs, biting her thumb nail as she did when she was anxious.

As he closed the door he heard her mutter, "leave me alone!"

"We need to talk."

Nadine sighed deeply, "I'm done talking it doesn't solve anything!"

Robert sat down on the edge of the chair, "listen I know you're upset but you can't go around hurting your mother okay?"

"Why not? She was the one who made this mess!"

"I know but," Nadine went to interrupt him and he continued, "this has to stop okay?"

Nadine sighed again but she knew Robert was right. She did have to stop. It wasn't solving anything was it, constantly arguing with Christine. It was just making her more upset that she couldn't have the relationship she used too with her mother.

"This is your fault!" She muttered only for Robert to reply, "why is this my fault?"

"Because you and my mother should never have gone there," she rested her head on Robert's arm, "I wish things were the way they were twelve months ago, I wish I still had Kenny to hug."

"I know," she shook her head, "but you don't know, not really. You and my mother think nothing's changed and it has. Everything's changed."

Robert kissed the top of Nadine's head before his pager went off. He excused himself and told Nadine he'd be back soon. When the door closed behind him she sighed and went back to chewing her thumb nail, were things ever going to be normal again?

Nadine didn't know how long she was left alone when she heard the door open and she thought it was her mother having spoken to Robert.

"I guess father's had a word with you?"

Judy heard what Nadine said and replied, "its not your mother."

There was an awkward pause between the two before Nadine sighed and stood up. As she walked towards Judy she knew she had a lot of apologising to do. It wasn't Judy's fault Nadine's life fell apart twelve months ago but Judy like everyone else got the brunt of it.

"I guess I should apologise," she began and leant against the counter, "sorry for being unbearable."

Judy smiled slightly at the youngster. Least she hadn't inherited her father's stubborn streak and could apologise when she knew she was in the wrong.

"Its okay, I'm not the enemy Nadine, I never was."

"I never thought you were," she protested, "I was just trying to prove to people I hadn't changed, I was still me."

"We know you haven't changed Nadine, you're still you." Nadine smiled slightly as she switched on the kettle and allowed a few seconds silence between her and Judy. She knew Judy was probably one person who didn't think she had changed now Robert was her father.

"I just feel like everyone's opinion of me _has_ changed. You know because Robert's my father and I'm somehow supposed to follow in his footsteps, become someone better than just Nadine, just the girl with the overbearing mother. My parents shouldn't have to define who I am should they?"

She bit her lower lip hard to try and stop the tears from spilling down her cheeks. Judy seemed to sense that Nadine was having difficulty in keeping the tears at bay and pulled her into a hug. Feeling Judy's arms wrap around her she burst into tears.

"Just tell your mother what you told me, she'll understand I promise."

/

Christine wished she could take it back, fifteen years worth of lies but she couldn't. She could only deal with the consequences. She knew deep down in her heart that Nadine didn't hate her, she was just hurt and angry and trying to inflict so much pain on Christine.

Nadine sat in Robert's office, sat on the edge of the desk swinging her legs backwards and forwards.

"Nadine?" Christine walked into the room and closed the door, "have you had time to calm down?"

"Yes," she stopped swinging her legs, "and I'm sorry. Some of the things I said was out of order, can you forgive me?"

"Of course you're my daughter."

Christine perched on the end of her desk and looked at Nadine. Nadine was still biting the corner of her lip, eyes still red through crying on Judy's shoulder earlier. There was a peaceful silence between the two of them before Christine asked;

"What are we going to do with you?"

"Send me away like you sent away my father?"

"We've had this conversation Nadine _I _didn't send your father away, he left."

"Yeah but why did he leave because you were feeding him lies for fifteen years!"

Christine sighed deeply and started to speak, "All I can do is apologise,

Christine pulled Nadine into a hug just as the child burst into tears. Running a hand up and down her back Christine replied, "I can't apologise Nadine for lying. I thought I was doing the right thing for us all that the time but I see now that I wasn't and I made it worse. I wish I'd done things differently but I can't undo the past Nadine, I can't stop you feeling like you're someone different because of the choices I've made in life."

Nadine sniffed, "I just feel like people's perceptions of me have changed, you know because of Robert being my father and not just my godfather. Maybe I'm just being paranoid but I don't want the whispers to start, you know the ones about me not being good enough to class you and Robert as my parents."

There was a pause between the two, "I've been a bitch haven't I?"

Christine nodded a small smile upon her face, "yes but we're female and we're aloud to be bitchy every once in a while."

"I'm sorry I hurt you."

"I'm sorry I hurt you too."

There was a pause between the two, "are we friends?"

Christine laughed and kissed the top of Nadine's head, "we'll always be friends Nadine no matter how many times you try and push me away, ."

"I love you."

Nadine pressed her lips to her mother's cheek, "I love you too."

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**jottings /** fin. if you liked it, please leave me a good ol' review:3


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